The Matt Moore Zone

Fleet Week Salad

Its Fleet Week in New York. Us liberals can buy every soldier a shot and pretend to acknowledge their sacrifices. I went to my local bar last night. I pulled up a stool right next to three pretty high ranking S.S marines. The lowest ranking, a drunken E4, slapped his hat right in front of me… Just daring me to move it. I asked him to so I could put my beer down. He theatrically did so and looked me dead in the eye. “That wasn’t so hard now was it?” It was clear this guy wanted to fuck me. I thanked him for moving his hat as well as his service to our country. He questioned whether or not I was a smart-ass, I assured him I was not and then made the mistake of ordering a baby leaf salad with chicken. “You like salad, Huh?” The jig was up. It was time to confess. “With chicken, yes.” “Why?” “Its good for the colon” “That’s what my mom says” I could’ve easily chimed in on his mothers’ colon. He set me up beautifully. It was too easy though, so I offered him a piece of chicken instead. He wasn’t impressed. So I thought I’d man things up by pouring a half a bottle of Tabasco on the salad. “Hot Sauce makes me shit” His masculinity was undeniable. So I let him fuck me in the bathroom. Well actually his Commander told him it was passed his bedtime. It was. Fleet week.